Feeling Disappointed About Your Birth Experience? You’re Not Alone
Why a birth that doesn’t go to “plan” can still be a positive, empowering experience.
Before I ever started this journey of supporting other parents, I was just a mum trying to make sense of my own experiences.
I went into pregnancy like many people do, hopeful, excited, and thinking that if I read enough and “stayed calm,” everything would fall into place. I thought birth was mostly about being brave and getting through it. I thought feeding would come natural. I thought once the baby arrived, instinct would just take over.
After having three boys, I assumed I’d walk into each birth knowing exactly what was coming. But every time, it was a completely different experience.
Instead, I found myself navigating births that didn’t unfold the way I’d imagined, in environments that sometimes felt overwhelming rather than calming. I remember moments of feeling unsure, overstimulated, and like things were happening to me rather than with me. Afterwards, instead of just feeling proud and joyful, I felt confused, guilt, replaying decisions, wondering what I hadn’t known, and questioning myself more than I had ever expected.
Then came feeding and recovery, the part no one had really prepared me for. I discovered just how emotional and all-consuming those early weeks can be when things feel harder than you thought they “should” be. I put huge pressure on myself. I compared. I worried. I smiled on the outside while carrying a lot of stress and self-doubt underneath.
Even though my second birth matched what I had considered my “ideal” birthing in terms of my birth preferences, I still left the experience feeling out of control and second-guessing every decision that was made.
It took time, reflection, and learning for me to understand something that changed everything:
Birth isn’t defined only by the outcome or how well it aligns with your birth plan. What truly matters is how prepared, informed, and supported you feel throughout the experience. When you have the right knowledge, practical tools, and strong support, you’re far more likely to feel confident in the decisions you make, which can significantly influence your mental and emotional health postpartum.
The Missing Piece No One Talks About
So many parents are told to make a birth plan.
But very few are taught how to make decisions in labour.
How to ask questions when things change.
How to understand and question interventions without fear.
How to stay grounded when the environment feels overwhelming.
And almost no one prepares you for the emotional side of feeding, recovery, and those long early weeks when you’re trying to make sense of everything that just happened.
I’ve been the parent who left birth feeling confused rather than confident.
The one who replayed moments in my head wondering if I could have done something differently.
The one who struggled with feeding and silently thought, “Why does this seem easy for everyone else?”
The one who smiled at visitors while feeling completely overwhelmed inside.
What I’ve learned from my three births is this:
Confidence in birth and early parenting doesn’t come from having a “perfect” experience.
It comes from feeling informed, involved, and respected in the decisions along the way.
It’s Not About the “Perfect Birth”
There isn’t one “best” kind of birth.
There is only your birth and how supported and informed you feel within it, whether you choose to birth at home, on a birthing suite, or in hospital.
You can have a highly medical birth and feel strong, heard, and proud.
You can have a low-intervention birth and still feel unsettled if you didn’t understand what was happening.
The difference isn’t the label.
The difference is whether you felt included, informed, and heard, or swept along by events.
That’s what I teach.
Not how to completely control birth, because none of us can fully do that.
But how to work with your body, your mind, and your voice as you move through it.
Understanding how your body works powerfully to grow and bring your baby into the world, and how knowing what it’s doing, regardless of how your baby is born, can help you feel calmer and more confident
Understanding how your voice is one of your most powerful tools — to ask questions, express preferences, and along with your birth partner to be an active decision-maker, even when plans change.
and understanding how your mind plays a vital role in preparing for labour, navigating birth, and protecting your wellbeing in the postnatal period.
Because when you understand the strength of your body, the influence of your mind, and the power of your voice, you’re not just “getting through” birth.
You’re stepping into it feeling informed, capable, and supported.
Why This Work Matters So Much to Me
You deserve more than information. You deserve connection. A place where you can be honest about how hard it feels, ask for help, and not feel judged for needing it.
Support should last beyond the class or visit. It should become a community, other parents beside you, figuring it out at the same time, reminding each other you’re not failing, you’re learning.
When parents feel supported, they don’t just cope, they grow in confidence and trust in themselves.
And that changes the start of a child’s whole world.
You were never meant to do this by yourself.
And that’s why SW Pre & Postnatal Education exists. 🤍